Emotions
by THE ULTIMATE POTTERHEAD
Summary: This is basically about Harry battling with his internal problems by cutting himself. Then Sirius Black comes in and saves the day! I'm not really good with summaries, but you should be warned, this contains cutting, and mentions of abuse. ENJOY!
1. Numbing

**Emotions**

**Chapter 1: Numbing**

Harry Potter sat, forlorn, on his bed in Privet Drive. His owl, Hedwig, hooted softly in the corner, still asleep. As he had already read and reread all of his books, all he could do now was think. Surprisingly, that was what he least wanted to do. Images of the third task in the Triwizard Tournament plagued his dreams and the fear of his upcoming underage wizardry trial haunted his thoughts. As if it wasn't bad enough, his 'friends' were sending him vague letters that sounded as if a stranger had sent them. Now Harry was locked in his room while the Dursley's were at some place or another (he hadn't really paid attention), and not for the first time that night, he was utterly consumed by his pessimistic thoughts.

Two hours. Two hours he had been sitting here, doing nothing. Harry glanced at the clock. 10:00. 'Great' he thought. He slipped his hand underneath his mattress, his fingers searching for the only thing that could make him feel better, as it had since he was nine. Slowly he dragged the thin, smooth piece of glass out of the mattress and caressed it gently in his hand. Harry then smoothly slid up the sleeve of his shirt and proceeded to add to the array of cuts and scars that littered the upper parts of his arm. Rhythmically he sliced. For his parents. For letting Wormtail escape. For letting Cedric die when it should have been him. It should have been him. Cleaning himself and the shard off with a rag, he returned it to its hiding place and fell into an uneasy sleep.

The Order of the Phoenix cautiously entered Harry Potter's 'home'. A witch with shocking, bubblegum pink hair, known as Tonks, bumped into a coat rack which then knocked over a plastic bottle that fell on a can of soup that nudged a glass over the edge of the pristine counter and crashed on the floor. "Nymphandora, would it kill you to be a tad more cautious! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" 'Mad-Eye' Moody said in a furious whisper. Everyone froze and looked up at the ceiling, waiting to hear if Harry would finally come down. Many were excited to see THE Harry Potter, so many had volunteered, but Remus Lupin, one of Harry's old professors and his parent's friend, knew that Harry was rather shy and wouldn't want an 'audience'.

"Remus, Nympandora, go up and check and check to see if the boy is here and bring him down." Ordered Moody. Both nodded and stealthily climbed the spotless stairs. Lupin was entirely focused on finding Harry, but Tonks was rather distracted wondering about the strange muggle home she was in. That was most likely the reason why she didn't notice when her fingers brushed a picture frame that went crashing on the floor.

It was a sheepish Tonks that the Order members first saw when they raced up the stairs to see who was being attacked. Needless to say, they weren't all too happy, but everyone then finished climbing the stairs together and began looking for Harry's room.

Remus Lupin was concerned. He knew Harry, and usually Harry would be the first one down the stairs, wand ready. But still, there was no sign of him, not even pictures, and this worried him. Finally, after checking all the other rooms, the wizards and witches came to the last door, but were appalled to see it was locked from the outside. Most shook of this minor detail, murmured a quick 'Alohmora', and opened Harry's door. The sight that greeted their eyes was a pale and sweaty fifteen year old boy thrashing in his bed. Everyone bowed their heads. No one so young should ever have that pained expression on their face.

Harry Potter was having a nightmare. A bad one. Voldemort was laughing his high, cruel laugh while saying "Bow to death, Harry". Then it shifted, dementors were gliding towards him, his fathers words, "Take Harry and run! I'll hold him off! Its him!" and his mothers, "Take me instead, please not Harry!" were smashing against his skull. Finally he saw Voldemort as a puppeteer, pulling the strings on dolls that resembled his friends, Ron and Hermione, and his godfather, Sirius. It was rather strange when he woke up to about a dozen people staring down at him with somber expressions on their faces.

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><p>Authors Note: HEY! This is my first fanfiction, and I would really appreciate any feedback or ideas. Please tell me if I should continue! THANKS! PEACE!<p> 


	2. Hiding

Disclaimer: Heh, sorry. Might have forgotten to mention this, but everything in the wonderful world of Harry Potter belongs to the amazing J.K Rowling.

Chapter2: Hiding

"Erm, any particular reason why your all in my room?" Harry asked meekly. To say he felt awkward was a bit of an understatement. The Order members took a minute to compose themselves and few had the decency to look apologetic.

"Potter," Moody began briskly, all business "We are here to take you to a safe house, and no, NO questions here. Its not the place for it." Harry was about to start firing questions about Voldemort and Sirius, but hearing Mad-eye's statement, he promptly shut his mouth.

"Harry," Said Lupin, eyeing Moody reproachfully "We certainly can talk later, but this is not the best of places to discuss this." Harry nodded, and the rest of the Order members began heading down the stairs.

While Tonks and Moody took Harry aside to discuss the flying formation they were going to take to get to the safe house, Remus was leaning on the disgustingly sanitary countertop, deep in thought. "Alright there Remus?" Elphias Doge, a wheezy-voiced wizard, asked gently. "Quite fine, thank you Elphias." Even though his words said otherwise, Lupin was very worried indeed. From afar he studied Harry. He knew Harry was never the one to skip and throw daisies, but he looked absolutely dreadful. The deep purple circles under his eyes were proof enough of his nightmares, but subconsciously it seemed, he held himself like a person in a large amount of pain. His hand also crept up occasionally to rub the crook of his elbow, only to be pushed back down.

As if sensing his gaze, Harry turned away from Tonks, who was demonstrating her metamorphagus abilities, to look at Remus, who was now positively alarmed at the dimness of his usually brilliant emerald green eyes. Yes, Remus Lupin was very concerned indeed.

Harry Potter was elated. Though to an outsider, he would probably look along the lines of lethargic, inside he was soaring. And speaking of sore… 'No,' he mentally reprimanded himself. 'I am going to enjoy this for now, no thinking about depressing things.' He was finally escaping the Dursleys, so as he watched Tonks change her hair from violent violet to vomit green, he forced himself to push the more… unpleasant thoughts aside and focus on the good. Feeling someone's gaze burning a hole in his back, he turned around to find Lupin staring at him with concern laced in his amber eyes.

"OKAY!" Mad-eye barked, causing everyone except Remus to flinch " Lets get moving, we pose a target if we are sitting ducks for too long! Lets move!"

"Wait!" Cried Harry. "Sorry, I forgot about my trunk and owl, they're still upstairs." Everyone was giving him funny looks, so he looked at Remus questioningly. "Harry, we already brought down your trunk, owl, and broomstick." Lupin said gently. "Oh." Harry mumbled, embarrassed.

And with that awkward note, Harry and the Order members flew to the safe house, all the while trying to convince Moody not to make them double back since they were already frozen to their brooms.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Walking into Number 12, Grimmauld Place is a sensation one really couldn't quite explain. So as Harry crossed the threshold, he bemusedly absorbed the house elf heads, dusty hallways, and formidable objects that were strewn around like a pro. Mrs. Weasley bustled in, her fiery mass of red hair matching her children's, and immediately swept Harry in and enormous hug. Unfortunately for Harry, it didn't go unnoticed that he flinched horribly, and Mrs. Weasley held him at arms length and examined him care fully.

" Are you alright dear?" She asked in motherly concern. "Fine." Was Harry's standard response but at the moment he couldn't find it in him. So he just mutely nodded and allowed himself to be led to his room he was to be sharing with Ron, but the ginger that wasn't present at the moment. Wanting to avoid any contact tonight, he slowly began to undress, unaware eyes were watching his every move.

Ron Weasley was not a pervert, especially when it come to his best friend Harry Potter. But when he heard his mother mention Harry was here (thanks to Fred and George's extendable ears) he raced up to his and Harry's room and walked in grinning. What he didn't expect was to see his best friend's back turned, bruises covering almost every area of his lean, pale back. Ron had never been necessarily chubby, but he was always well fed. But judging by the way Harry's ribs poked out, it was obvious to him Harry was not. Harry, who certainly did seem to have a knack for knowing when he was being watched, whipped around to see Ron Weasley standing, horrorstruck, in the doorway. Not knowing what to do, he abruptly sat up and stormed out of the room, pulling his shirt back over his head as he did so. But still, Ron stood there. He did not know what to do.


	3. Keeping

Emotions

Chapter3: Keeping

Harry Potter stormed out of the room, frantic. He finally felt that he could put behind him all thoughts of the Dursley's, but now if anyone found out what happened behind closed doors, he would be pestered and never able to forget, like he wanted. He would have to go back and talk to Ron, but he wanted to put it off for as long as he could. Harry felt that he would be able to persuade Ron not to tell anyone. He could always pin the blame on Dudley and his gang, Ron knew that 'Big D' was a bully so it wouldn't be too hard to convince him. Right? Besides, he didn't want to be pitied.

He was so wrapped in his own thoughts, he didn't notice when he crashed into his godfather, Sirius Black. Sirius was doing better, but he had certainly seen brighter days. Though he had lost the haunted look Azkaban had given him, his face was still somewhat clouded, like the real Sirius Black is still lurking beneath, there but trapped all the same.

"Harry!" He cried joyfully. He was grinning from ear to ear, but his smile drooped when he caught sight of Harry's face. "Alright there pup?" He asked cautiously. Remus had filled him in on his concerns for Harry. But Sirius, being Sirius, deemed him a drama queen and felt he was over exaggerating. But peering at Harry closely, he concluded that Remus actually downplayed it. Truth be told, Harry looked like crap.

"I'm fine." Harry retorted somewhat curtly. Sirius raised his hands in mock surrender, wondering where the easy going boy he met two years ago was. Deciding it was teenage hormones, he let it slide. But, he wanted to make James proud, so he made a promise to himself to watch him more closely.

"I. Um. I need to use the bathroom." And leaving a very confused and concerned Sirius Black behind, he jogged up the stairs, threw the bathroom door open, and barricaded himself in. His stomach sank. His piece of glass was still resting underneath his mattress on Privet drive. He felt like there was no air, the walls were leaning towards him, promising they would crush and bury him. The very atmosphere mocked him, taunting him with whispers he couldn't make out but he knew were about him. "Kill the spare!" Echoed around the small room. He couldn't breathe. He wildly searched the room with his eyes, looking for something, anything.

There. Underneath the sink, a small vial, probably for potions. Nobody would miss it. Harry was being careless. With a slight tinkling sound, he crushed the delicate glass. He brought the graceful curve to his arm, feeling powerful. Yes, powerful. He could control this pain. No sadistic killer, no curse, no belt, not even a pair of heavy hands, just him controlling this pain.

He didn't know how long he was in there, but by the time he emerged, the house was quite. He silently crept, cat like, to his and Ron's room. But, Ron was awake. And waiting for him. "Harry," he said earnestly. "I didn't mean to walk in like that, but what was that stuff on your back? And don't say it was nothing. I know better than that." Harry took a deep breath. "I got into a little row with Dudley and his gang," Harry lied smoothly. "They kicked me around a bit but I've had worse." Ron's ears turned crimson. "Sorry mate, its just… you never know. And…" He finished lamely with a shrug. "Its fine, but just don't mention it. I don't want people to make a big deal over nothing, you know." Ron nodded, and seemingly satisfied, started to snore a few minutes later.

But Harry was awake. He managed to get out of that one, but what to do with Sirius? Finally, letting his exhaustion over come him, he fell into yet another fitful slumber.

The next morning found Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and the pretty but bushy haired Hermione Granger in the kitchen. Remus raised his eyebrows questioningly at Sirius. Sirius nodded in response. However, this exchange did not go unnoticed by Hermione, as the clever witch was stroking Crookshanks, her cat, thoughfully. "Whats going on?" she asked suspiciously. Remus just sighed and shook his head in her direction.

As all of the red headed Weasley's converged in the kitchen, Harry Potter was yet to make an appearance. Many wondered where he was, but according to Ron, he was still fast asleep and no one wanted to disturb him. "Poor dear," Began Mrs. Weasley "He must be so exhausted. Maybe I should just bring up a breakfast tray."

"No need," Said a voice from the doorway. "Sorry I'm so late." And with that Harry plopped down in a seat next to Sirius, yawning. "Mornin' pup!" Sirius said, ruffling Harry's hair. Harry tiredly swatted his hand away. As everyone woke up more, talk and laughter became more abundant, but Harry still remained quite. Hermione, who rarely misses a thing, planed to confront him afterwards. Little did she know, several others had the same plan.

Sirius was laughing at the antics of the Weasley twins, and that was when it happened. Crookshanks had been prowling underneath the long table, but when she saw the edge of Harry's long sleeve shirt, she pounced. As Harry was reaching for the butterdish, he felt a tug on his sleeve and saw the cat playfully hanging off. Sirius began roaring with laughter, as did the rest of the table. He leaned over and tugged Crookshanks off, but not before he had glimpsed the many cuts and scars the were carved into his flesh. His face froze, as did time, it seemed. Sirius closed his large hand on Harry's wrist, ignoring his struggles, and pushed back his sleeve. Time slowed down.


	4. Discovery

A/N- Hey! Sorry, but I had to say this! I couldn't bear to leave it on a cliffhanger, but my family and I will be going to Boston soon, so I won't be able to update as soon in the future! Thank everyone for the encouraging reviews, it really means a lot.

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><p><strong>Emotions<strong>

**Chapter4: Discovery**

Few things could shock Sirius Black, especially after Azkaban. But as his hand fastened over Harry's thin wrist and he slid up his shirt sleeve, words failed him. He hadn't felt this way since that Halloween night when he saw James lying on the floor… He felt like a failure. Gone was the over confident teenage that broke rules and played pranks. Gone was the young man that beamed with pride when he gave a small, bouncing baby Harry his first Junior Broomstick. Gone was even the brave man that would crouch in caves and feed off rats for his godson. He felt old. Older than he felt in Azkaban, older than when he saw Moony get a handful of grey hairs, older than when he discovered he had some himself.

He knew something was off about Harry since last night, but never would he have dreamed it was this. While still holding on to his wrist like a lifeline, he recalled when he too had cut himself. He still had the little white lines crawling up his arm like a grotesque latter, he even remembered what each was for. Some were from adolescent nonsense, girls and such. The darker, more emotional ones were for friends lost in the war. But the deepest ones were from his family. He had never felt like he had belonged in the notorious Black family, but it had got even worse once he had been sorted into Gryffindor. Every chance she got Sirius's dear old mother would scream and rant at him, saying he was better off dead. He would laugh in her face, but coming from family, it still hurt.

But Sirius had his friends. James caught him cutting one time and tackled him. Then him and Moony questioned him for two hours before he just started to cry. It was the first time anyone had seen Sirius Black cry. From then on he didn't, not ever. Until that Halloween night…

Everyone was frozen. Sirius slowly raised his head to look at Harry. Though he hadn't realized it, Harry had been trying to break free the entire time. Hermione was the first to speak with tears in her eyes. "H-Harry. Why didn't you tell us! Ron and I could've helped y-you! My parents know a-a good psychiatrist that-"

"A psychiatrist?" Harry cut in coolly. "Like I'm m-mental or something?" Though both Ron and Hermione were shaking their heads frantically, Harry continued. "This is how I deal with everything! I was fine when I was being left alone! Did you guys see Cedric murdered! How about Voldemort come back using your own blood! No? Well, did you duel him! NO! So leave me alone! Who killed the Basilisk! ME! Who battled Quirrell when Voldemort was sticking out of the back of his head! ME! So don't pretend you understand, and save me the pity!"

And with one final tug, Harry wrenched his arm free and strode from the room. "Well, how… dramatic." Snape said, gliding in from the opposite doorway. "Potter is, as usual, blowing things out of proportion for attention." Sirius gritted his teeth and stood up abruptly, banging his chair on the floor. "Listen, Snivellus, you don't know one goddamn thing about my godson! Keep your overly large nose out of our hair, because no matter what Dumbledore says, I won't hesitate to curse you into oblivion!"

Black was now inches from Snape's face, nostrils flaring. Completely ignoring Sirius, Snape turned her attention to Molly. "I have new information from the Dark Lord." He spoke quietly. "Please tell Black to get out of my face because we are not school children anymore." He said snidely. Finally, he turned his attention to Sirius. "Don't you have a godson to look for?" He asked smoothly, raising his eyebrows.

Mrs. Weasley, who seemed to return to her senses, shooed all of the Weasley children and Hermione out of the room while wiping tears from her cheeks. They heard the floo flare up and Kingsley's deep voice. Even Fred and George didn't have the energy to spy. Ron and Hermione looked meaningfully at each other and seemed to come to an unspoken agreement. They would let Sirius talk to Harry this morning, but later today, they wouldn't let him wiggle his way out of talking to them.

Sirius was needed at the order meeting. He knew this, but at the moment he felt his godson needed him more. He didn't have much practice with the whole 'parental' thing, but he knew Harry, so he felt he would be okay. After searching most of the rooms, he had an idea. Usually when he was upset or bored, he would visit Buckbeak the Hippogriff in the room upstairs. That was probably where Harry went, he concluded. Indeed, he was right. He found Harry gently stroking Buckbeak, his face turned away from the door.

"I'm not mental, you know." Was all Harry said. Sirius crossed the room and took hold of Harry's shoulders, noticing he flinched but brushing it off. "I know. Psychiatrists aren't for mental people only, I had to go to one once." Since Harry looked disbelieving, Sirius sighed and pulled back his own sleeve. Harry gasped. "I had your father's help. I learned how to get past it. I know-" But he was cut off by Molly's voice. "SIRIUS! We need you in the meeting! ITS URGENT!" Sirius sighed, gave Harry a look that clearly said "I'll be back" and stomped downstairs, looking thoughtful.

Harry sighed in relief. He really didn't want to be interrogated. What if they found out about the Dursley's? Then he would have to endure being treated like glass, everyone would feel they have to tread carefully around him. "If they don't feel that way already." He thought grimly. Then everyone would know the 'Great Boy Who Lived' couldn't stand up to a bloody muggle. Checking around the corner for Ron or Hermione, Harry sighed once more and trekked to his room.

Ron and Hermione assumed Sirius would talk to Harry for at least an hour, so they planned to confront Harry later rather than force themselves on him now. But Fred and George were more observant. When only they heard their mom's voice calling Sirius, they knew Harry would try to avoid everyone. Grinning mischievously at each other, they apparated directly on Harry as he was going to lay down on the bed. A muffled ouch was music to their ears.

"Sorry, mate." They said in unison to the bespectacled boy they thought of as a little brother. "We're not here to rag on you about this whole… situation." Fred began. "But, just know that if you try it again, we will know, and you will become our official new prank tester!" George finished, and while his mouth grinned, his eyes captured the stern essence of Mrs. Weasley. And on that happy note, the twin dissapperated with a pop, and Harry went to sleep once more, not knowing he was the subject of conversation at the Order meeting.


	5. More?

A/N: Sorry for the short chapters, but I do update almost everyday! Anywho, thank you kind people! I am planning another fanfic after this one with not so much angst! But, erm, what do I say now! The whole downloading thing is confusing! Darn! Um. Disclaimer in secomd chapter? Did I spell second wrong? Oopps. I meant second. Sorry! :P

Hahaha, have fun!

**Emotions**

**Chapter5: More?**

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><p>Molly Weasley was like a thunder storm. Maybe a hurricane would be a better description. She whirled faster than humanly possible, (maybe magic was the culprit) and came up with a tray that was tilted at an angle because of the excessive amounts of food on it. Rich, mouthwatering aromas wafted throughout the kitchen, but they all knew better than to stand in Molly's way when she was on a mission. With a determined look on her usually kind face, she briskly rounded the corner, and her footsteps could be heard with soft thuds that halted as she reached Harry's room.<p>

Harry Potter was yet to wake up. Maybe his subconscious whispered the dreadful conversations that would await him when he awoke, so he would probably be better off asleep. Along with Lupin and Hermione, Harry was usually always one of the first people up. But no, Harry still lay in a troubled sleep. So when Mrs. Weasley brought a breakfast tray up to his room, she just didn't have the heart to wake him.

Down stairs, those who were of age (excluding the Weasley twins) were still deep in thought over the meeting they had the previous night. It was a rather dull, quiet morning, so it gave everyone the ideal time to brood on the information that had come to light. Voldemort still lurked in the shadows, so the main topic of conversation was, well, Harry. Dumbledore, who was present for all of two minutes, had expressed that Harry was still a boy and had a large amount of pressure put on his scrawny shoulders. Severus, of course, sneered and said it was a ploy for attention. Mad-eye said everyone would have to keep a close eye on the boy and keep up 'CONSTANT VIGILANCE!' Tonks said talking it out would help Harry the most. For once, Sirius agreed. Most of the other members of the Order were teary eyed and remorseful, especially those who had seen him on Privet Drive.

Molly came downstairs, wiping her hands on her skirt nervously. "Poor dear, still out like a light. I hope I made enough food, he's too skinny. I swear, if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was starved!" She exclaimed worriedly.

Ron choked on the bagel he was buttering. Suddenly all Harry had ever said about his relatives fit in place. Bits and pieces came back to Ron. Their very first train ride when he talked about his birthdays, second year with the bars on his windows, when he sent them owls asking for food, the bruises… 'BLOODY HELL!' Thought Ron. He glanced at Hermione, and she was nodding her head slowly as if everything made sense. Even Fred and George looked deep in thought, connecting the puzzle pieces. Ron felt guilty. He had always complained about living up to his brothers and being poor, but Harry… He also felt a twinge of unreasonable anger. He was his best mate! He could have told him! Remus, with his sensitive werewolf ears, heard Ron choke, and had been watching the play of emotions across his face. "Ron," He said warningly "You know something. Hermione too." Hermione's eyes had been brimming with silent tears that threatened to over flow.

"Well," Hermione started meekly "Harry almost never talked about his relatives, but he did say they hated h-him."

"Yeah." Ron said, jumping in. "And remember when he owled all of us for food? And when me, Fred, and George rescued him, they had bars on his window and his door was locked from the outside! They never give him presents, either!" Ron looked horrified. "Then, I accidently walked in on him when he was changing, and he had bruises everywhere!" Ron's voice had steadily become faster and more frantic as everyone's faces became tragic as they guessed what happened to the boy who lived.

Ron shut his mouth with a great effort, not seeming to realize all that he said. For the second time in two days, Sirius was a statue. The faces in the room mirrored each others. Horror. Confusion. Remorse. Guilt. Sirius shook his head. The guilt was consuming him, his heart receded to the pit of his stomach as he realized it was his fault. If he hadn't been so reckless and stupid chasing after Pettigrew, then he wouldn't have spent twelve years in Azkaban, and he could've raised Harry. Abuse. The word vibrated throughout the room like a heartbeat. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. It crept up the stairs and knocked on Harry's door, he padded down barefoot and walked into the kitchen. Every head turned in his direction. Harry felt like he was drowning. He thought someone had died.


	6. Revenge

**Emotions**

**Chapter6: Revenge**

Vernon Dursley was a coward. Those who had money and fame he groveled on his knees for. But those who were poor and tinier than him (which were a majority of the population) he bullied. Many avoided Vernon at work, but only those closest to him knew his violent tendencies. His co workers would roll their eyes when they heard him screaming on his phone. His horse faced wife and whale of a son would turn blank faces to the side when they heard him in a rage. Dursley would probably be in prison at the moment if he didn't have a person to vent his anger on. That person is Harry Potter.

As Vernon was extremely heavy (weighing in the 300 pound range), he never lifted a finger when dealing with household chores and what not. He left that to his wife, Petunia. But once little Harry Potter reached the age of about five, he was forced to strain his little body to complete all the work around the house. When the tiny raven haired boy looked at her with emerald eyes shining with tears, she would resentfully think of her sister, but surprisingly, that only made her hate Harry even more. She would turn a blind eye when her husband was in one of his many rages. She would hum to herself to block out the weeping from underneath the stairs. But most times she would pretend he just wasn't there. That way she could focus more on her monstrosity of a son Dudley.

Dudley Dursley was a blond carbon-copy of his father. But Dudley was not merely a 'chip off the old block', he was the result of someone sawing that block in half and blowing it up to unrealistic proportions. He was everything his father ever was, and that is not saying much at all. He is arrogant, a bully, ignorant, slow, and, to put it simply, mean. He presumed it was everyone's dearest wish to serve him, so when that wasn't done, he grew angry. But, unlike Vernon, he didn't hit Harry when he was angry; he did it when he was happy. It was a game to him. For him, it was like a video game where you can shoot as many people as you want, but no one really got hurt. So he invented 'Harry Hunting'.

The Dursley family was sitting around the table, preparing for the dinner Petunia had made. Unimportant conversations were muffled by the television Dudley was watching while eating his fourth helping, chins wobbling, and not once did their nephew cross their mind. Little did they know that would all change in a few hours' time.

Unfortunately, Harry Potter had seen much death in his young life. So when he saw grief twisting the features of everyone in the room, his stomach sank to the bottom of the floor. "Who?" He asked in a strangled whisper, dreading the response. He mentally took account of everyone in the room. Ron, Hermione, the Weasley's, Tonks, and Sirius were all there. Sirius looked at him, once more the haunted man Azkaban had produced. "Who d-d-died?" Harry yelled. He was panicking, why couldn't they tell him!

Mrs. Weasley was silently sobbing in the corner. Ron looked as though he had been hit in the head with a bludger, and Hermione was looking at him sorrowfully. Even Crookshanks was mewing softly under the wooden table. Fred and George were uncharacteristically quiet, and Tonk's hair was black with silky bangs covering her eyes while tears coursed down her cheeks. Harry was standing, horror struck, in the doorway still, one hand looking as if it was reaching out to Sirius. "Sirius…" Began Harry. Sirius shook his head slowly and motioned for Harry to sit next to him. Though he looked waxy and ill, his eyes had lost their shadowed, glazed look, and they were burning with rage. Harry realized one person wasn't there. "Is Remus okay?" He asked cautiously.

"He's fine." Sirius said without emotion. "But someone isn't going to be." He growled the last part, causing Harry to jerk backwards. Sirius, upon seeing this, put a reassuring arm around his thin shoulders, and not brushing off his flinch this time. "Harry, did your Uncle ever hurt you?" He asked bluntly.

"N-No!" Harry lied unconvincingly. "Harry, don't lie to us. You're a horrid liar. Remus left to get Dumbledore. We are going to make that sorry excuse of a man pay for what he did!"

Harry stood up abruptly. "YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T! NO ONE DOES! STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU CARE! NO ONE DID BEFORE! YOU ONLY CARE BECAUSE IM YOUR PRECIOUS BOY WHO LIVED!" Hermione was sobbing and even Ron had eyes full of unshed tears. "YOU THINK-"

At that moment the fireplace flared a brilliant green and Albus Dumbledore gracefully stepped out in bright purple robes, thoroughly silencing Harry. The Weasley's, Sirius, Tonks, and Hermione were staring open mouthed at Harry who they all knew to be a shy, polite boy. Harry, now that the anger had drained from him, had a guilty lump lodged in his throat.

Dumbledore, who would normally look comical in such vivid robes, looked down right pitiful. The twinkle in his eyes was replaced by great sorrow, and for once, he hunched like the old man he is. "Harry," He said solemnly "Why, my dear boy, did you never mention this to me." Harry mumbled something unintelligible as he stared fixedly at the rough wooden floor.

"We need to discuss this. Remus and Severus are waiting for us in my office. Sirius, you should be present also. Lets leave promptly." And without addressing anyone else in the room, he stepped back into the fireplace, and disappeared in swoosh of green fire. Harry, who was not looking at anyone, made to go back upstairs, but was stopped when Sirius put a restraining hand on his arm. He nodded in the direction of the fireplace, and Harry sighed. With one final burst of neon green, the pair was gone.

For seven whole minutes everyone was still in Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Though it was normally filled with laughter and conversation this summer, no one spoke a word. Of all the people, Molly Weasley was the first to break the silence. "Lets get some lunch, I'm sure everyone's hungry." She got minimal response, so she sighed and started fixing lunch. Slowly, one by one, everyone unfroze. In a way, it was like losing someone. They felt as though they never really knew Harry Potter. Ron and Hermione especially felt hurt that this was kept from them. Sadness was thick in the air, constricting any words the mouths formed, turning them into feeble mumbles. Tendrils of sorrow licked at their feet, causing most to bring them up on their chairs just for something to hold. Betrayal seeped into the pitiful mixture, like some disgusting experiment to see who would start to cry first.

Fred and George Weasley had a plan. They had detested the Dursley's since last year when they heard Mr. Dursley had thrown things at their father. They wanted to barge into their grossly sterile house and hex them to smithereens, but felt it would be wrong since they couldn't fight back. But they hadn't thought of the bars on Harry's window. Nor had they thought of how he charged at them like an angry bull. Though they did not grin, their eyes held a mischievous light that was never a good sign coming from the Weasley twins. In the past, they had usually only pranked for fun, but not this time. They would prank for an entirely different reason. Fred and George Weasley had a plan.

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><p>Hey everyone! I know I updated a little later than usual, so I apologize. So... Um... The Dursleys better watch out! Its never good when Fred and George want revenge! As for Harry's trial, its probably going to be the chapter after the next one. I know Harry may have been kinda out of character, but he did yell in the fifth book! Hehehe, I have some fun stuff planned for the Dursley's! PEACE OUT! :D<p> 


	7. Authors Note SORRY!

AUTHORS NOTE! SO SORRY!

I am so sorry for putting an author's note where a chapter should be, but I know that lately I've been doing daily updates. I love writing every day, but school is starting soon and I have summer work I put off until the last minute! Urg! If I knew a month ago I would be busy, I would have done it then! Also, we're going to Boston soon. I will try to put up chapters as soon as possible though! I also wanted to thank everyone who reviewed. I had some really kind reviews that just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. :D. Hmmm… what else? I'm not really good at author's notes and summaries. Should this be longer? Why am I writing down my thoughts? Is that normal? Oh yeah, hehehe! The Dursley's are so in trouble now! I spent all night just thinking of pranks the Weasley's could pull! Also, I have a question. Should I have Sirius reveal his home life to Harry? Because in the books his mother's portrait was enough indication of how his real mother would have acted! So again, so, so, so, so, so, so, so SORRY!

P.S: Did you guys ever see a Very Potter Musical? I watched and I nearly chocked on my Dr. Pepper while watching it!

P.P.S: Hmm. Did you ever see a Very Potter Sequel! AHHH! IS UMBRIDGE A MAN! You should really check it out on Youtube! :D


	8. Discussing

**Emotions**

**Chapter7: Discussions**

Albus Dumbledore was a kind man. His brilliant blue eyes would sparkle, and almost every teacher at Hogwarts (excluding Umbridge) looked to him as a grandfather of sorts. He humbly accepted this role and vowed to do everything he could for his students. Even though most looked up to him as the ultimate problem solver, he had made many mistakes in his life. He sighed as he remembered Ariana, his dear, sweet, Ariana. His own brother he had neglected and his friend… Grinewald. He had been so caught up in the 'Greater Good', he couldn't stop his own mother and sister from dying. Then there was Tom. Young, handsome, troubled Tom Riddle. Albus gazed around his office, reminiscing in the moments when he felt he had gotten through to Tom, where he felt he had helped him. But, alas, no. He had failed. And the clever boy Hogwarts once knew was gone to be overtaken the darker side of his now split soul. Even Severus he had failed. Snape's own father, Tobias Snape, had neglected him. Then he turned to the Death Eaters and lost all he cared about. Dumbledore knew himself he could have prevented it.

Tears glistened around his crinkled eyes, not yet dropping into his beard. He loved Harry. Like a grandson, like a cherished nephew, like his own relatives should. He had promised himself he wouldn't fail with Harry. He had made so many plans… Those plans crumpled around him and dissolved, like they were never meant to be put into action. Albus Dumbledore had failed.

Severus and Remus were standing across the room from one another, silently watching Albus battle his internal struggles. Both men were amazed. Never before had they seen the great Dumbledore let his walls come down. At that moment, they did not see the man that radiated power through every pore as he fought the wicked, but rather a frail old man drowning in his grief. The floo flared, and Sirius stepped out with Harry clamped to his side. Albus brought his walls up once more, but they had cracks that leaked out his sorrow.

Harry sat in one of the chairs, eyes trained on the lush carpet. Sirius, besides sitting next to him, stood behind him and clasped his hands to Harry's shoulders. Normally, Harry would appreciate this gesture of affection, but he just felt so empty and cold. Like a dementor had already sucked out his soul.

"Where do we begin?" Started Dumbledore solemnly. He turned to Harry. "Why, my dear boy, would you never come to me? You are not the only one to walk the walls of Hogwarts battling with an abusive family." He sidelong glanced at Snape, something Harry missed. Severus nodded ever so slightly and walked out of his corner.

Severus Snape didn't know what to think any more. He still loathed James Potter and his arrogance with all of his being, so he found it easy to push his spirit into his son, Harry. But as Harry raised his head, for once he did not see James Potter. He saw Lily. Wide green eyes that seemed to hold all the pain in the world. The same ones that tortured his nightmares for weeks when he called her a 'mudblood'. "Potter." He said slightly softer than his usual curt tone. "You must tell us the full truth. I will know if you, I daresay, hold anything back."

Surprisingly, Sirius kept his mouth shut. Dumbledore raised his wand, and performed complicated twirling movements which emitted a wispy purple color. "I am putting a charm on my office that will not only prevent us from doing anything rash, but from anyone spying on us. We would not want Voldemort getting this information. Neither would we want the Daily Prophet to use this to their advantage." And with that, he sunk into his chair and peered at Harry closely.

"How long?" Remus croaked. Harry hesitated for a moment, looking at the faces around him, and said in an unemotional voice. "As long as I can remember. I was a freak. I didn't deserve their 'kindness' as they would put it. Usually Uncle Vernon would want to do more, but Aunt Petunia usually stopped him if it got too bad. If she felt sorry for me, she might have let me lay in bed for the rest of the day." He stopped. He had said more than he had meant to.

"You never told your friends?" Albus asked gently. "I rarely spoke about them. I didn't want to. I didn't want to burden them with that. I already risk their lives every year as it is." He ended with a grim look that roused Sirius out of his stupor.

"How long as the cutting been going on?" He asked in a forced calm voice.

"Since I was nine."

"Any particular reason?" Sirius asked, persistent.

"No."

"You're lying, Potter. Please tell the truth or some veriteserum may be in order." Snape cut in. Harry glared at him with clouded eyes and sighed. "It was the only pain I could control. After I started Hogwarts, it got much better. But then… It was everything. At school, I figured out how to do a glamour from a book I found. I couldn't use it over the summer, but it was the first thing I would do when I got on the Hogwarts express. Just until the bruises faded. But after the Triwizard Tournament, I did it a lot more. Then I used the glamour to hide the cuts."

Dumbledore was now crying, a few tear drops dripping into his beard. Snape was gripping the chair, a far away look on his face. Sirius was looked as though Azkaban had gotten to him. And Remus was shaking. With fury.

"Harry." He spoke softly, but his words were furious. "You COULD have told me! Or Sirius! You didn't have to cut yourself! WHY would you think that was the answer! As for the Dursleys…" He went on muttering, the wolf shifting his features, amber eyes lit on fire. Harry was shaking, his lip trembling. The statue that was Sirius melted, and he pulled Harry close to him. Severus was watching the exchange with an unreadable expression on his sallow face. Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak, but then Hedwig flew through the window, dropped a letter on his lap, and nipped Harry's ear gently before flying out once more.

He opened the letter, which was obviously written hurriedly, and chuckled to himself. "It seems I am needed for reversing some unfortunate spells on Mr. and Mrs. Dursley." He stood up and glanced at Harry. "It seems we must continue this conversation later. I must be there before the ministry arrives. Remind me to thank the Weasley twins." He looked meaningfully at the men in the room and stepped into the fireplace, disappearing.

Petunia and Vernon Dursley were asleep in their sick, flowery bedroom. Vernon's mustache fluttered as snorts were forced out of his nose. Petunia was snoring rather nasally and her monstrosity of a son, Dudley, was playing a video game with a lot of violence with earphones in. If he had not decided to play that one game that lured his attention, he probably would have noticed what was happening around him.

Vernon began to twitch in his sleep. His red, pudgy limbs jerking slightly. It steadily became worse, and he opened his eyes wide. Vermin were crawling all over his body. Rats with filthy fur were nibbling on his pajamas, slimy slugs drew trails around his wrists, and, worst of all, spiders were crawling around his neck. He fumbled underneath the sheets and landed hard on the wooden floor. He smacked his wrists, legs, everything, but they wouldn't go away. All common sense leaving him, he stumbled down the stairs, doing a sort of frenzied dance.

Petunia cracked open her eyes and gasped. She was no longer in her pristine bedroom, but a filthy broom cupboard! There were human excretions in the corner of the tiny room, making her gag. What looked like blood and vomit dripped from the walls, oozing around he feet. She picked herself up off the rags she was laying on, and found maggots wriggling throughout her hair. She screamed shrilly and ran out the door and down the stairs in her revolting pink nightgown.

The husband and wife looked around what used to be their living room. It was a swamp. Literally. Straining their ears, they could even hear the distant call of a bird. Both Petunia and Vernon began screaming, wanting to reach the door on the other side but not wanting to cross the formidable looking swamp. Finally, Dudley Dursley made an appearance. His fat was jiggling as he charged down the stairs, two hands clamped over his bottom. Not only did he once more have a pigs tail, but he had a pigs nose and ears also! It did look rather fitting with his many rolls of pink fat and animalistic fear in his eyes.

He went to go grab hold of his mother, like the four year old he had the intelligence of, but halted when she shrieked in terror. None of them seemed to be able to form words. Then, a herd of squealing pigs stampeded through the swamp. The Dursley family savagely ran to the kitchen door and slammed it closed behind them. Simultaneously, they looked down. They were all wearing bright purple wizard's robes. Petunia Dursley fainted as Dumbledore arrived on Privet Drive.

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><p><strong>Authors Note: So terribly sorry for not updating sooner! I hope this chapter was okay, I had oodles of fun screwing with the Dursleys! I really appreciate any reviews, and I thank the ones that have written them already. Some really make my day. Like when you look at the rain out of your window listening to depressing songs on youtube, then you read a nice review and listen to some Katy Perry or something. :D I know I'm rambling and I apologize. Hope you liked this chapter, and I would appreciate any ideas for chapters to come. THANK YOU! PEACE! :P<strong>


	9. Understanding

**Emotions**

**Chapter8: Understanding**

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger sat on Harry's

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><p>bed, stoic and expressionless. Concern knawing at their stomachs, they listened as Harry threw open the door and attempted to flop onto his bed. Being that two other people were sitting on it, Harry changed his course and instead threw himself on Ron's bed. His face in the pillow, he mumbled something along the lines of "Go 'way!" and lay there unmoving, listening to see if they would leave. They eyed one another with grim expressions. Hermione pursed her lips, sat up, and reached over to flick Harry on his ear.<p>

"Can't ignore us forever, mate." Ron said quietly. The only response he received was an unintelligible grumble and a sigh. To the surprise of his friends, he sat up and looked at them. "I know," he began "I am so sorry. I was such a git keeping this from you. I just don't, I-I don- can't" He was seemed furious with himself. Hermione and Ron shared one final glance, and both threw themselves at him in a bone crushing hug. Harry, who had flinched at first, chuckled weakly and embraced them back.

Sirius Black was trapped. The memories that were forcefully shoved in the back of his mind came back in full force, leaving him breathless. It was almost as bad as being in Azkaban once more. Almost. Mentally, he was screaming insults at himself. Yes, the handsome, confident, Sirius Black was peeling away at himself, layer upon layer yanked off until the mushy insides leaked onto the floor. It had been so easy. So easy to ignore the fact that a thirteen year old boy would move in with the man he had thought not an hour ago to be a mass murderer. So easy to ignore the fact he always jumped slightly when touched. Too easy to ignore the sad fact that he had always been so dreadfully thin. The worst part. That he should have known. Him, of all people, should have known. Yes, the cover stories were strong, but hadn't he used the same ones himself? He purposely only let himself see the Harry he wanted to. The Harry that was James. The Harry that was brave, loved, and strong. He didn't look past the façade to see the real person beneath. For that small, silly mistake, both Harry and himself had suffered.

"Wallowing won't solve anything." Remus said, coming up beside Sirius and interrupting his train of thought. Even though the full moon was weeks away, he looked much older than his thirty seven years (AN: sorry, I don't know how old he is!). Though his movements were lethargic and slow, his eyes were alive and alert, much different than the haunted look Sirius's had adopted again. And so they talked. Time wasn't an issue, and the old friends introduced their new selves to one another, and even though the somber mood had been broken, their voices were still gravely tinged with sadness, the sadness that had always been lurking in the shadows since that faithful Halloween night. As the glow of the fireplace died, Sirius stood up suddenly. When seeing Lupin's questioning gaze, he held up a finger and swiftly exited the room, leaving a curious Lupin gazing at the door.

"Hey, Moody!" Sirius called, coming up behind Alastor. Moody glanced suspiciously at him, clunking to halt in front of the kitchen. "I need a teeny favor." And with that questionable statement, an agreement was formed between the grizzled auror and the broken man, trying to prevent a certain fifteen year old from having the same fate.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi! Remember me! Wow. How many times can I say sorry! Not only for this weirdly short chapter but for such a long wait! SO SORRY! I thought that once I turned 13 before school started, things would be easier! But NO! GRRR! School is even harder! Anywho, I wanted to thank my eldest sister, for supporting me and giving me so many ideas. I would also like to thank my other sister who just left for college! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Also, thanks to anyone who reviewed! One person in particular, HarryJamesPotter-Black, that was the nicest thing to say! THANK YOU SO MUCH! also, GuiltyAsFollws left a wonderful one also. I do plan to have Sirius talk to Harry about his home life (thank you MaddyGervais!) and Neville will come in and so will Hogwarts! Again, I love any suggestions, and future chapters will hopefully never be this short again! Next up, the trial! DUN DUN DUN! Thanks for all your support. PEACE! :D<strong>

Grr! How do I get rid of that accidental line at the top! I tried deleting it! Why won't it work!


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